There has also been research into unusual dreams and visions reported by people receiving hospice care.
A decade-long study led by neurobiologist Dr. Christopher Kerr followed more than 1,400 patients in New York during the final stages of their lives. Researchers reported that more than 80% experienced vivid dreams or visions, many of which were described as comforting.
Among the experiences reported by patients were encounters with people they had known and loved.
For some, these experiences involved deceased relatives.
That can include parents who died many years earlier.
Shah believes there may be a reason why a mother can become such a powerful figure in a person’s final moments.
“Here’s what I think’s going on as the body shuts down,” he explained. “The oldest and most primitive parts of the brain are often the last to fade. And the wiring for mother, the first face that you ever loved, the first voice that ever calmed you, is buried in that deep layer.”
“So, the dying brain reaches back for the very first safe place that it ever knew.”
That is Shah’s interpretation of what he has witnessed. It is important to note, however, that individual end-of-life experiences vary considerably, and science does not establish that calling for a mother necessarily means a particular neurological process is occurring.
For families sitting beside a dying loved one, though, understanding that these experiences can happen may provide reassurance rather than fear.
He said that a person nearing death may sometimes call out for someone who is no longer alive or appear to reach toward someone whom other people in the room cannot see.
“If your parent or loved one starts calling for their own mother in their final moments, or reaching towards someone you can’t see, they aren’t confused,” Shah said. “They might be gently transitioning.”
For families, the natural reaction may be to correct the person.
Someone might say, for example, that their mother has been gone for decades or remind them that the person they are calling for is no longer alive.
But Shah recommends taking a different approach.
“Don’t tell them grandma’s been gone for 30 years,” he said. “Just say, ‘I’m so glad she’s here with you.’”
His advice is centered on comfort rather than correction.
In those final moments, Shah argues, there may be little benefit in forcing someone back into the reality that the family members around them understand. Instead, loved ones can simply remain present, calm, and reassuring.
“You’re not lying, but you’re actually loving them through it,” he said.
And perhaps most importantly, Shah emphasized the significance of simply being there.
“If you’re the one at their side, you are doing the most important work that any human being can do,” he said.
For families, the final hours with someone they love can be painful and overwhelming. There may be uncertainty about what to say, what to do, or whether they are providing enough comfort.
But sometimes, being present may be enough.
A hand held.
A familiar voice.
A few reassuring words.
Or simply sitting quietly beside the person.
Shah described the experience as something “sacred” rather than something families should necessarily fear.
Ultimately, every person’s final moments are different. Some people may speak, while others may become quiet. Some may appear to recognize people around them, while others may experience dreams, memories, or visions that are difficult for loved ones to understand.
For those witnessing these moments, knowing that such experiences have been reported by hospice patients may make them a little less frightening.
And when someone nearing the end of life calls for their mother, perhaps the most important response is not to argue with them, but to offer comfort and reassurance.
Because at the end of life, sometimes the most meaningful thing a family member can give is simply the feeling that their loved one is not alone.
If you know someone caring for a loved one in hospice or facing the final stages of a serious illness, consider sharing this story with them. It may help them feel a little more prepared for what they could experience.
A decade-long study led by neurobiologist Dr. Christopher Kerr followed more than 1,400 patients in New York during the final stages of their lives. Researchers reported that more than 80% experienced vivid dreams or visions, many of which were described as comforting.
Among the experiences reported by patients were encounters with people they had known and loved.
For some, these experiences involved deceased relatives.
That can include parents who died many years earlier.
Shah believes there may be a reason why a mother can become such a powerful figure in a person’s final moments.
“Here’s what I think’s going on as the body shuts down,” he explained. “The oldest and most primitive parts of the brain are often the last to fade. And the wiring for mother, the first face that you ever loved, the first voice that ever calmed you, is buried in that deep layer.”
“So, the dying brain reaches back for the very first safe place that it ever knew.”
That is Shah’s interpretation of what he has witnessed. It is important to note, however, that individual end-of-life experiences vary considerably, and science does not establish that calling for a mother necessarily means a particular neurological process is occurring.
For families sitting beside a dying loved one, though, understanding that these experiences can happen may provide reassurance rather than fear.
What Families Should Know
Shah believes families should be prepared for moments that may otherwise be confusing or frightening.He said that a person nearing death may sometimes call out for someone who is no longer alive or appear to reach toward someone whom other people in the room cannot see.
“If your parent or loved one starts calling for their own mother in their final moments, or reaching towards someone you can’t see, they aren’t confused,” Shah said. “They might be gently transitioning.”
For families, the natural reaction may be to correct the person.
Someone might say, for example, that their mother has been gone for decades or remind them that the person they are calling for is no longer alive.
But Shah recommends taking a different approach.
“Don’t tell them grandma’s been gone for 30 years,” he said. “Just say, ‘I’m so glad she’s here with you.’”
His advice is centered on comfort rather than correction.
In those final moments, Shah argues, there may be little benefit in forcing someone back into the reality that the family members around them understand. Instead, loved ones can simply remain present, calm, and reassuring.
“You’re not lying, but you’re actually loving them through it,” he said.
And perhaps most importantly, Shah emphasized the significance of simply being there.
“If you’re the one at their side, you are doing the most important work that any human being can do,” he said.
For families, the final hours with someone they love can be painful and overwhelming. There may be uncertainty about what to say, what to do, or whether they are providing enough comfort.
But sometimes, being present may be enough.
A hand held.
A familiar voice.
A few reassuring words.
Or simply sitting quietly beside the person.
Shah described the experience as something “sacred” rather than something families should necessarily fear.
Ultimately, every person’s final moments are different. Some people may speak, while others may become quiet. Some may appear to recognize people around them, while others may experience dreams, memories, or visions that are difficult for loved ones to understand.
For those witnessing these moments, knowing that such experiences have been reported by hospice patients may make them a little less frightening.
And when someone nearing the end of life calls for their mother, perhaps the most important response is not to argue with them, but to offer comfort and reassurance.
Because at the end of life, sometimes the most meaningful thing a family member can give is simply the feeling that their loved one is not alone.
If you know someone caring for a loved one in hospice or facing the final stages of a serious illness, consider sharing this story with them. It may help them feel a little more prepared for what they could experience.
